Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
