Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
