areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
