i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
