dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like abortions should bother me more
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize