so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
