I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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