Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
