My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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