based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
