Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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