i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
