Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Welp...herpes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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