I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
