You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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