Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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