Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
