fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza