You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"