i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand