Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.