doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
