Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
