Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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