Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
