What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
