I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
