I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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