think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
