I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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