I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
