I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
