that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
