the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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