I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
