life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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