He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
