Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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