this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
