i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
