dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
cat food counts as protein by the way
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
