2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
