I bet he comes in French.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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