Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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