I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
