He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
