you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
