Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
