this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
