DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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