So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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