I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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