guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
