I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Still dying that you shit outside
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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