evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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