Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
